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14 October 2011 @ 12:00 am
[Filter: Private]

He's sweet. He really is. There aren't many other men that would go out of their way to make their daughter's girlfriend feel better about themselves like that. I wish I could believe my voice would get better, and along with everything else return to normal, but I'd be fooling myself. I know what that poison does to people, even in small doses. My voice should be the least of my worries. I should be dead. If it wasn't for Casey I'm sure I would be. I got sloppy, I let my guard down, and now I have to pay the price.

I owe her my life. That means I should be able to trust her with anything, right? I should be able to trust both of them. So, then who did it if not Casey or Darin. It has to have been Brett. Why else would she just disappear? She wouldn't have just fallen overboard, but if she jumped to get away there's no way she could have survived. Unless that's exactly what she wants us to think. What if she comes back to finish what she started? Will I be too damn drunk to notice? Is it too much to hope she realized I'm not the person she thought I was?

[Filter: Casey]

I love you.

I never thought I'd ever tell anyone that. Outside of my family that is. Yet here I am, completely and utterly in love with my boss's daughter. I don't know what I'd do without you. I owe my life to you. I don't know what I'd do without you. I sure as hell wouldn't be here now.

So, thanks. For being you. For caring about me. For being the first person I could trust in as long as I can remember.

For everything.
Mood: indescribableindescribable
14 October 2011 @ 12:35 am
[Filter: Erin, in Kilian]

Something has been bothering me for the past few few days. I realize that you've grown close to your crossbow, but I'm curious if you're interested in picking up another weapon. It might be useful for you to be more versed in ways to defend yourself.
14 October 2011 @ 01:20 am
[Filter: Private]

Calling me names isn't going to help. I'm not listening. I'm not listening.

It's wrong and it's stupid and no one would understand and I have to stop thinking about it. About how great it was.About how it

Stupid puzzle only makes it worse. Except they're there too. Right before it happens. I can feel the fear like it's happening all over again. No more thinking. Not about them. Or him.

Only happier things. Better things.

[Filter: Aileen]

Uh... hi!
Mood: scaredscared
Queen Edalene of Atsiria
14 October 2011 @ 02:21 am
[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

... maybe I am sorry. A little.

Not that I hurt Westa. She deserved it. She deserved worse, and if she could without showing her hand, she'd have done so much more to me than just that. I hate her and she's terrible and she should be tortured.

But ...

But it was dishonest. And ... and underhanded. It was like something Reeve might do, and that's what I never want to be. So ... I guess I am sorry.

What am I going to do to show it ...?

[Filter: Reiz, in Atsirian]

Well, you were right about Jamaella, I suppose! I didn't expect to see that happen, did you? Hee. Very dramatic~ I heard that she's preparing to go and move with her aunt in Ilserna. Good. I don't want her here.

We should talk more, I guess~ You can tell me what Reeve is doing. I really want to know.
Mood: guiltyguilty
14 October 2011 @ 02:27 am
[Filter: Fayre]

Now, Lady Fayre, just where might you be~? I thought that we were going out into the city to investigate the sale of limseed oil, and yet, you appear to be missing from your rooms~ Are you off having fun without me, you awful thing?
Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Rhoswen of House Karnach
14 October 2011 @ 03:20 am
[FIlter: Private, in Atsirian]


Just look at this guest list! Really, Ethne? This party is going to be a drag. I realize it's all military folk and blah blah Gideon's campaign, but sands alive, I'm expected to go to this silly thing! And stay all night, for that matter! Gideon might be pleased with this supply of alcohol, but it'll take more than a little good drunkenness to turn this mess into a good time.

I wonder ...

Oh, they won't mind.

[Filter: Firuz, in Atsirian]

Good evening, handsome~
Mood: mischievousmischievous
14 October 2011 @ 03:59 am
[Filter: Private]

I can't ...

He's not serious. He can't be serious. It's Ian. He's never serious, not about anything, and he never dragonsdamned commits to anything, either. He's a bad soldier because he shirks his responsibilities. He's a bad son because he ignores our parents' wishes. What sort of husband does he think he --

He's never serious. He's never been serious about anything. When they found me in that damned barrel and I couldn't even stand up for two days because I was so -- he even thought that was all a joke.

So ...

So why did he seem serious about this?

[Filter: Daisy]

... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. That was -- I'm awful. Did it go all right? How did you do? Are you --

I'm so sorry.
Mood: indescribableindescribable
14 October 2011 @ 04:05 am
[Filter: Colleen]

It's your birthday Monday.

I know we can't really do anything together. Even if we weren't acting like we didn't like each other, Lord Keran probably wouldn't let us. But I just wanted to say I remembered. And I wish we could do something. Even just walking in the courtyard. It's not like he'd let us out of his sight.

I'm sorry.

[Filter: Public]

There are so many refugees pouring into the city from the border towns. They're all saying they've been hit hard by the imposter Forna, too. It's stupid, for the rebels to come all the way up here to fight when they have to know that Lord Keran is taking us in.

I guess they're desperate. And crazy. Being out in the snows too long makes anybody crazy, everyone knows that.
Mood: blahblah
14 October 2011 @ 04:12 am
[Filter: Lenore]

So, this dinner of your sister's tonight. How dressed up do I gotta be? Yeah, yeah, I know your folks've met me already and all, but I don't wanna give a bad impression. And I don't want to give your sister reason to bitch about me if I don't have to.
Maeve [[Blanche]]
14 October 2011 @ 04:58 am
[Filter: Private]

I still can't believe I chickened out.

I just ... it was just all too much. The way he was looking at me, the way he stood, his eyes ... His eyes. Dragons, his eyes are -- are just like yours, Blanche. Did you ever even know he existed? That you'd left this ... this copy of yourself in the world, this perfect Dragonsdamned copy ...

Maybe that's why. Maybe I just kept thinking about what you'd say, how different things would be with you, what my life would be like if you were still here ... if I hadn't been a stupid little girl. If I hadn't killed you. I wouldn't even be here, would I? Andrew would be here, singing his songs, finding some other girl to give jewels to ...

I ought to be thankful, I know. Maybe it's that room. Dragons know, it's a possibility.
Mood: blahblah
Crionna (Prudence)
14 October 2011 @ 05:05 am

... The way everybody keeps talking about Kilia lately makes me nostalgic.

I know it's really silly of me, but it's been so long since I've seen it ... And it's really dumb since I have so many things I need to look after here at the inn. It's getting colder, and that means we have a lot more people passing through, and it's only going to get even busier as winter settles in. Rina's been teaching me some new recipes, and I think I'm really getting better at cooking, too.

I can't believe October is already halfway over. Everything is always so heavy, at the end of the month ... I guess it's just making me think about things I don't normally.

It's been so long since I've written an entry like this ...
14 October 2011 @ 05:22 am
[Filter: Private]

"All roads lead to Lucre," we always said. That was how Megam was built. Everything eventually turns up there, at the foot of the Dragons' thrones, because it's at the root of everything that Megam is. It all grew from Lucre, and so it all leads back there.


We all have our Lucre, don't we? The place we were grown from, and the place everything in us leads back to. My position, my faith, my daughter, my husband, every choice that I've ever made ... I know who's at the heart of it all. I know where my home is, and who it's with. I know my Lucre.

I'll never get away from it, either. Everything she's done ... it defines every bit of me. I could just as easily flee my own self.


[Filter: Dairanne]

Ah, dear. I don't suppose your mother is handy, is she?
Mood: melancholymelancholy
14 October 2011 @ 05:57 am
[FIlter: Loki]

... I'm sorry if I seem ...

... I feel very oddly. It's as though someone is staring at me, but whenever I look, I don't see anyone. I think my imagination. It wouldn't be the first time. But I can't shake it, and ...

I guess I'm poor company, after all. I'm too distracted to even draw well. I'm sorry. You wanted to clear your mind ...
Mood: nervousnervous
14 October 2011 @ 03:22 pm
[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

Mn ... how long has it been, really? The day I decided to travel the world, to see all the new wonders of it, to be free of the burdens and responsibilities of what awaited me in the future. I know ... I know he wanted nothing more than for me to stay where I belonged, to carrying on leading the people and the soldiers, to tame the dragons beside him, but ...

Mm ...~ but I couldn't do that, could I? I didn't want to stay there all my life. To have wings but not fly? Why, what sort of life would that be? No ... I'm glad I did what I did. In order to show my strength and gain knowledge, I wanted to travel this distance and with a dear friend, no less. But now ... now it seems I can't stop thinking about it all ... about home.

The high peaks of the mountains, with our city nestled safely within it ... to watch the greatest of our soldiers at work. Father, handling the most stubborn and the most fierce of the batch. Raising, feeding, teaching them ... readying them only to have them sent off across Atsiria. He never said a word about it, but I could see it in his eyes ... how much it hurt him to part with the dragons he had worked so hard to tame, and yet, I saw pride in them, too. Hm ...~ and the towers that sheltered them all, I can see everything, as if it were only yesterday ... that I can walk outside and it'll all be there. Just like that ...


My, this room really has been getting to me, hasn't it? Mm ...~
Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
14 October 2011 @ 03:51 pm

Ah ... my stepmother ... she's been quite a bit more ... demanding than usual. It's been a bit harrowing, to be honest. Just as soon as father left, it was ... mm ... I don't know ...

Perhaps I just need to get some fresh air for a bit ...
Mood: blahblah
14 October 2011 @ 04:00 pm
So, guess what?

I finally found a sort of kind of job ... thing! Thanks to Daisy and Eri helping me out ... basically giving me a good word to people, there's a few of them actually saying that they might be able to use me for deliveries! Well, you know, since they can trust me with their stuff, heh. I figure this might be a good thing for me to do on the side while I'm training. I would be able to make some money off of it, at any rate, and it's not like it would take too much of my training time from me, right?

I know that having Leo is definitely the selling point to it all, heh.

So yeah, anyway, thanks again for putting in a good word for me, you guys!
Mood: excitedexcited
Rae of House Taerin
14 October 2011 @ 07:33 pm
[Filter: Private]

I'm trying my hardest and all Tabby does is tells me what I'm not doing good enough or that it doesn't mean anything unless I do something even harder. Then she goes right back to talking about how great Celeste is and how fast she's learning. It's not fair. No one cares about me anymore but I'm going to make them.

[Filter: Public]

Siuan is really starting to get used to me shooting my bow from her back! She's always been nervous before but she's a lot better now and she stays still the whole time making it really easy to aim and shoot! Tabby was watching me today too and she said I need to start learning to shoot while Siuan is flying as fast as she can. It sounds like it would be really really fun and I can't wait to try it, but it sounds really hard too! I don't think I can aim while moving, because how do you know what you're shooting at? If you aim normally it's going to miss because you're going too fast. It sounds even harder if what I have to shoot at is moving too.
Mood: determineddetermined
14 October 2011 @ 07:42 pm
I hope Benton gets exactly what's comin to him. I swear he's treatin me even worse than usual after I gave him the copy of that letter, and he keeps givin me harder and harder work. Today he had me scrubbin the deck of the ship he's taking to Razen next month, and wouldn't even let me use a mop. Said I had to polish it by hand. Who does that? Then to make it even worse he wouldn't let me leave until it was completely done. I worked 2 hours longer than usual, and he tells me he ain't payin me extra cuz it's my fault I didn't get done in time.

I shoulda had him all paid up by now. I'm sick of dealing with his shit every day. I wonder what he'd do if I just up and quit and told him I ain't payin him another dime.
Mood: aggravatedaggravated
14 October 2011 @ 08:28 pm
[Filter: Private ; Atsirian]

When I touch the tiles, I feel sand. How easy it is to feel the grains give way under the weight of my fingers. Sharp, little pricks of glass. I feel heat and diamond light makes my eyes squint. I remember the sky, clear and cloudless and unending. And the sun. The sun and its unforgiving heat.

Feldri was so small. Even as a child, I knew we were far from everything, a city slowly dying as its daughters find the means to leave and seek their fortune elsewhere. I never thought I would be one of them. I never thought I would find myself so far away from what I knew. I'm so far away from home.

It's so cold here. How deep have we come, and how far have we left to go?

[Filter: Jack, in Trade]

You are still taking things slowly, aren't you?
Mood: sadsad
Lady Tyrande of House Sarris
14 October 2011 @ 08:38 pm

I have spent four months away from my daughter, and I am glad to see that she thrives on my return. She still chatters to herself, delighting in the sounds she makes, and I think it will not be long until she can hold a conversation on her terms. Children become so much more interesting when they begin to talk, and find ways to express themselves. Already Marinda begins to show her preferences in dress and in food. She likes bright colours, and cake, which is common in almost every girl her age, I can imagine. Perhaps I can guide her towards something less, ah, sweet.
Mood: pleasedpleased
Acantha (sometimes Talli)
14 October 2011 @ 11:01 pm

We're not fully stocked right now, but I have a small place in the Arcade where I'll be for a few hours each evening. Edraek will be watching it during the morning and afternoon, and he's a very courteous salesman. I'm spending my mornings in the workshop, and my afternoons dealing with other merchants. My days so far have been filled with ... everything. I've been busy. With word of my arrival here, I've gotten a few offers for works of stained glass art. I'm not accepting any yet. I've only barely started my jewelry, and the jewelry is why I came here. I'm still building up my list of contacts.

This city is very different from Cleraine.
14 October 2011 @ 11:10 pm
[Filter: Private]


This is going to go fine. Kirk is going to wow them all and then they'll get off my stupid back. He's charming, and he's funny, and everything is going to be fine!

I need to just stop worrying, Dragons, I'm ridiculous.
Mood: nervousnervous