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08 October 2011 @ 01:01 am
[Filter: Private]

I keep thinking about what Mother would say ...

I thought I'd gotten over that. I really had. Surely, I'd come to a point where I'd fallen so far that Mother's opinion could not possibly make things any worse than they already were. What was there she could say that would matter?

I'm thinking about it again. I can't stop thinking about it.

I think the understand the difference, too.

With Inara ... with Joshua ... there was never anything in it to feel defensive for. Never once have I looked at those choices and tried to justify them. I'd done something wrong, something stupid, and made a mess out of everything. That was all there was to it. What could she possibly say that I didn't already know? Everything I could ever imagine was just ... "Yes, Mother, I know. I know."

But with Demi, it's completely different. Any time I think of what Mother might say about Demi ... well. I just want to throw a drink in her damned judging face.

[Filter: Demi]


How am I doing? Better?
Mood: pensivepensive
08 October 2011 @ 01:52 am

Won't someone please talk sense into Westa?

She's actually declining her invitation to Captain Darius's party on Sunday evening. This party is going to be on a boat. The boat is actually going to leave the harbour and go out into the ocean, and there is going to be a party on it. On the boat! In the ocean! Does no one see how amazing this is?

Someone, please, convince her that she's making the gravest mistake of her life. She doesn't understand what it is that she's doing. You all have to be her light in the darkness. I beseech you. Please, good ladies, please.
Mood: bouncybouncy
08 October 2011 @ 02:11 am
[this page is covered in black, foul-smelling smears]


In the future, if I ever try to convince anyone that my true calling in life is as a sailor, I'm asking someone to remind me of this moment. I don't think I've ever been so completely drained of all energy or will to continue living in my entire life.

And now I get four hours of sleep before I go again, wonderful.
Mood: soresore
Damien of Noye
08 October 2011 @ 02:16 am
[Filter: Private]

I thought I was prepared to hear the news months ago. Noye fell, and I just assumed she'd fallen with it. Then I read that she was still alive, and I immediately thought, despite all the predictions of herself and the perpetual traitor, that she was going to fight it off somehow. I knew she had given up, but that didn't matter it seems. I've now lost them both.

Dragons, how I fought for that woman. I didn't love her, but I fought for her. Stupid as it was, I didn't let go of her. Because I didn't, and because she was in my city when Varise attacked ... Sylea wouldn't have come otherwise. For all of the times I fought with that woman, it was worth it for that alone.

What have I not lost yet? I know the city of Noye still stands, but I still may never rule her. While Varise still exists there will never be trade with Noye again. Even now I can see the supply problems becoming rampant. I've placed myself in the sea, and taken on the dangerous job of making sure their navy is too occupied to help with the land war. There's every chance they're going to drag me to hell before the same can be said of them.

Even if I live through this mess, what will there be to rule? I'll have no army, and a tattered people. Once peace comes, another house will see that all my defenses are gone. Noye isn't prepared for a fight, and someone will take the reins from me before a year is over. Trade is going to disappear for some time, and the seas of Korin will become a pirate haven. Who will be left to defend the waters from them? In time, Megam could very well claim our waters, and cleanse them of anyone with ill intent. One quarter of their war fleet is more than all the ships Korin has put together.

A man shouldn't live to see the world he grew up in collapse around his feet. It was a gritty world, and its only beauty was in how powerful it could be a times. I have to wonder how many will be left to see it when the dust clears.
Meghan of Tullia
08 October 2011 @ 02:40 am
[Filter: Lord Symeon and Dame Edeyn]

Ummmmm, I've been talking to Lancel, like Dame Edeyn asked, and he's talked to me a little about things ...

He keeps telling me he's happy!! That he really is happy, but it just makes him think .... I think he misses his family, too. He mentions them a lot whenever he says he's just been thinking ... Does he ever talk a lot about his family?? He's never talked to me about them, but he's been here so long, so I thought ...

Ummm, anyway!! That's all he's really been saying ... I kind of always feel like he just wants me to stop asking, sometimes. But I guess that makes sense ...
08 October 2011 @ 02:50 am
[Filter: Benedette]

Have you heard all of the things that they've been saying about Antony ...?

They can't be true, right? He's not even here. He couldn't have done the things that they're saying he did. He never even ... he was never part of all the rest of it, after all ...! So ...! I wish they would just find Lord Devine. Everything has been so awful ever since he disappeared ...

[a long pause]

At least it looks like Lord Leon got out of Aeda ...! That's good, isn't it?

[Filter: Lorcan]

Are ... are you not going to be coming home before bed again, tonight ...?
Mood: lonelylonely
08 October 2011 @ 03:21 am
[Filter: Private]

I don't know what's wrong with her. She seems a lot more distant when I'm around her lately... And I don't even know what I could have done. I've been learning Kilian, and thanking her so much for the book she gave me for it. I haven't said anything provocative lately. I might have done something not realizing it... but then she would have told me. Speaking her mind has never been a problem for her.

I thought I was doing everything right...
08 October 2011 @ 04:10 am
[Filter: Lady Eve]

I can't believe that you'd ask us for support in your wars.

Didn't you decline to send us men, because you said there wasn't enough ... oh, what was it, evidence of aggression from the Nasen dogs? We showed you more than enough evidence, and all you bothered to throw out way was less than a handful of half trained pegasus knights? And now, when we're actually getting close to a point where we could win this war if we had your support, you're asking us for me?

I can't beleive this!

Here, how about this! You send us three platoons of horse, one of pegasi, and one of dragon. Our best advisor is convinced we only need that much to push this for a win. You do that, and after we route the dogs and send them back home, we'll bring our entire force to Rayla and do whatever you want.

How about that?
Mood: angryangry
Lord Hasten of Lireth
08 October 2011 @ 05:39 am
[Filter: Private]


Of course.

[Filter: Lady Anemone and Lord Glenn]

Tell me, Lady Anemone, just how much do you know about what came to pass here, on the Festival?
Mood: angryangry
08 October 2011 @ 06:01 am
[Filter: Those in Rayla and Ree]

Ugh, I -- hey. Ree, how are things looking there? Do you think Hanmor is going to win?

I -- can we afford to send them men? Just -- some? I'm starting to -- what if we're sending a bad message, here? It's true that we haven't been providing much help to our allies, and then turning around and asking it from them, and I think Hanmor will throw in behind us if we can just fix their crap first, and if it could actually happen that way, wouldn't it be worth it? Harriet? Whoever? Can we afford it? Just ... enough to help them win?

I don't know, ugh. Hanmor isn't going to send us anything until their war is over, and you know, I think they're going to put up a stink about it, too. With Caepra and Hanmor holding back, and Taerin still not able to send much of anything ...

What do we do? I don't know, Dragons.

[Filter: Davan]

I don't have time to give a whole bunch of preamble, I just need to know how the war is looking for your side, and warn you that my reports are saying Hanmor is probably going to win, and you and your fuckbuddy should probably get out of there before that happens if you think it might be true.
Mood: confusedconfused
08 October 2011 @ 08:01 am
[there is a very detailed and stylized sketch of a woman here. she has an ethereal sort of beauty, and the line composition is built around exaggerating this quality, making the portrait to appear as though it's formed by the wind. there is a great use of smudge and line weight to create this effect. those in Razen would be able to recognize the woman as the campaigning potential council sitter Sophia]


She's so beautiful, isn't she ...? There's something about her face ... she looks like she could blow away on the wind, but that's part of what makes her so interesting to look at. Sometimes, when we're talking, I catch myself just staring at her instead of listening. My Lady Mother hates it when I do that, but I can never seem to help myself with her.

We've been meeting with her very often, lately. I like her a lot, especially when her husband isn't there. She's very quiet and at first, you think that she just doesn't have anything to say ... but she does. She's a very interesting woman.

I wonder if she would model for a painting? Nothing I do in charcoal or pastel from memory seems good enough, but if I had enough time and some oils ...
Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
08 October 2011 @ 08:27 pm
You know ... selling jewellery actually has been going well. I still need to work at the Scales, but it's been nice having a little extra gold to save. It makes me feel better about, well, everything! Which is weird, because I'm so used to everything I try just going wrong. It can still go wrong now, but it's good that it hasn't yet.

I need to go to the rockpools again to collect more shells. I'm sure Taylor will be free this weekend. I can't carry everything by myself!
Mood: happyhappy
08 October 2011 @ 08:40 pm
[Filter: Private]

Things are going missing again ... I'm sure they just got lost with all the guests we've had during the pilgrimage. I mean, it's been so long since this happened last time ...! But some of the girls just don't believe me when I say that ... especially Maureen. I just know she thinks I'm not taking her seriously because I haven't lost anything ... but there just isn't enough proof to show there's a thief ...! And this is a convent, we're all Sisters ... shouldn't we think the best of everyone ...?

[Filter: Public]

Um ... this is going to sound a little silly, but ... is there any way to train a dog to, um ... find things ...?
Mood: worriedworried
08 October 2011 @ 10:26 pm
I can't believe the nerve of this man! I knew Dickon could be arrogant and selfish, but in the past he at least tried to be pleasant. Ever since Archibald's death he's been an absolute nightmare...he's given Colin so much grief about their inheritance. Thinking he deserves it all simply because he's the oldest and was especially close to their father. I just-ugh!

Poor Colin. I've never seen him this upset...the last few weeks have been painful enough without his brother's behavior making things worse.
Mood: enragedenraged
Leisa of Rhia
08 October 2011 @ 10:34 pm
; 65  
[Filter: Private]

It's been over two weeks and still nothing! I shouldn't even be imagining the terrible things that might've happened, but I just...Dragons, I...should I even bother writing to him?

...Michael's been so wonderful, though. Ever since he found out what happened he's been visiting me as much as he can, inviting me out to keep my mind off of things, asking if there's anything he can do to help. ...he's so sweet. Sweeter than any guy I've ever been with.


[Filter: Devine]

You better be safe out there, wherever you are! And you better write soon so I can yell at you for worrying everyone!
Mood: worriedworried
Lord Derek of Allba
08 October 2011 @ 11:20 pm
[Filter: Private, in Old High Dentorian]

Hn ... I hadn't realized how long it had been since we arrived in Emeron. With the situation so difficult to handle, there has hardly been a moment of rest. But, of course, it seems that it has been put off long enough. I am sure they are all curious as to how matters have become within the city ... utter chaos.

The looks on all their faces, well ...

[Filter: Public, in Trade]

I do apologize for the late report. Things have been quite ... chaotic, here in Emeron.

There have been a great deal of unruly refugees within the city, and with little to no order, it seems as if they have taken over. My men and I have been doing what we could to lead them further outside of the city. We have set up perimeters of where they are permitted to camp. So far as we know it, the majority of them have been led outside of the city and are being closely watched, day and night. We are still scouring the city for more, but it seems that the townspeople are willing to cooperate in order to give us any sort of information that would lead us to anyone causing trouble. They seem to be relieved that we've come to their aid, albeit, still restless.

We have had to take some drastic actions in restraining a number of them ... but it was quite necessary. Quite a few have been restrained and will remain so until they can show better behaviour. We should be ready to march towards the borders soon. It wouldn't do to keep them all in such a tightly knit pack for too long, I'm sure. They are a very desperate bunch, with nothing to lose ...

It is as Lord Keifer mentioned, however ... I am a bit unsure as to whether I should leave Emeron in the state that it is in, now, as well.
Mood: workingworking
Aes of Cresyn
08 October 2011 @ 11:40 pm
[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

Hm ... I really wish he would just stop to think about what he's doing, sometimes ... he's just so dense!

Doesn't he even realize how uncomfortable he makes people feel ...? Or how ... how he comes off, sometimes? I really wish I could say something to him. It's so embarrassing. I know just how mother feels about all of this, too. I know she didn't want him to run, but it isn't as if she could stop him from doing so without completely ruining the Cresyn name ... what would people think if she were to just ...

Sigh ... I hope Edalene heeds my advice ...

I suppose I should ... um ... well, yeah ...

[Filter: Karlesta]


Just um ... I just thought I'd say hello and see how you've been doing. I know we haven't had much time to ourselves, lately. I'm really sorry about Robert, he's a bit of a ... well ... a butthead~~

I really do want to apologize to you for his behavior, but I couldn't exactly say it in front of him. He likes to try to include himself in everything I do, lately. I've been trying to sneak out, more often than not, but I think he sees me as a chance to get a better lead into his campaign ... and I keep telling him that he's going to need to find his own methods, but he can be so thick-headed sometimes --

Oh ... I'm sorry, I shouldn't say such things about my brother, but ... well, you know how siblings can get sometimes~~

Anyway, if he really bothers you or anything, all you have to do is tell me and I'll try my best to keep him occupied with something else when you come over. ♥
Mood: irritatedirritated