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Queen Edalene of Atsiria
07 August 2011 @ 02:39 am
[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

I don't want for things to go back to normal.

I know they need to. I can't shut everyone out forever, even though I just want them all to go away, because I'm their Queen, and they need me, and I need them. I can't just go on being sad forever, either, because I'm only twenty-three today, and I'm going to be Queen for a long time, and I can't spend all of it being sad, even though it feels like I should. And I can't remain aloof, because that's not the sort of Queen I am, it never was and never will be and that's not even the sort of Queen that I really want to be.

Matthew is ... gone.

He's gone, and he's never coming back.

And I'm still here, and Atsiria is still here, and I loved him so much and I was never good enough for him, I wasn't, but he's gone and I can't change any of it and there's nowhere to go but forward.

I am going to be a good Queen.

I am going to be sure that I am a good Queen.

Whatever that takes, I am going to do it, and it's not going to be easy, it's going to be hard, but I am going to be a good Queen, and not Reeve or anybody else is going to stop me.

[Filter: Public, in Atsirian]

Thank you for all the lovely birthday gifts, everyone ...~ Hee.

I know it's been a long time since I've written, and thank you to everyone who's wished me well, but I really am feeling better. It's been a month now, since my husband and consort King Matthew Anshar died before his time, and I'll forever mourn and miss him and all the wonderful little daughters we were going to have together, but it is a new day, and what better time than the Jewel's Birthday to move forward~?

And thank you, too, to everyone who declared intent to run for office, today~ I'm very excited to start choosing my new Council, hee. But the selection process is going to be very long, because I need to be sure everyone I choose is perfect for the job. I don't want anyone there that I regret having.

Weren't the fireworks just wonderful? Hm.

Well, that's all I had to say for now~ I hope it's a wonderful year and we have a lot of work to do, so good luck everyone, and thank you so much for all the wonderful presents~

[Filter: Joseph, in Atsirian]

... and thank you, especially, Joseph ...

I ... I really do appreciated everything that you've done. Everything since my wedding day has just been ... you haven't needed to do all of it, and you have.

You know that I ... I forgive you for the things that you said, back in Ilserna, don't you? I understand why you did it. I really do forgive you. And ...

And ... maybe you were a little bit right, about a little bit of it. Just a little. So ...

Well, thank you.
 
 
Mood: determinedresigned