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31 May 2011 @ 12:07 am
[Filter: Private]

It's ... really too bad ...

There's nothing I can really do unless I have the right training ... and where am I gonna get that unless I actually get trained by someone who knows what they're doing? I can't keep training myself to do all of this stuff. There's only so much that I was able to see other people doing, right? I can't keep doing the same things over and over again either ... this is so stupid.

I wish there was an easier way to join the military ...

This sucks ...
Mood: blahblah
Pillar of Light
31 May 2011 @ 12:21 am
Proof. That's all I want.

Suspecting is worse than knowing, I say. When you suspect, it's like an itch you can't reach. You have to know. You have to know. You can always off them on the chance you're right, but it won't scratch the itch, then. It's not the satisfaction you're after. Suspecting brings you so so close to that sweetness, doesn't it? But you need proof. What if I dropped down right now, pinned your hot little ass against a wall, and bled you out until you howled the truth? Pillar or Messenger or suspicious little idiot that had no idea what sort of attention she was attracting, when she started acting just like one of us. We're such a paranoid sort, aren't we~?

Maybe it's time I showed a little leg~ Just a little.

Give me my proof, you stupid little bitch. Tell me whether it'll be business or pleasure, when I kiss you or kill you or both.
31 May 2011 @ 12:29 am
[filter: private]

i know eri doesn't believe me at all. she wouldn't believe me even if i told her. it'd only make it worse. it's my fault, not col's. i'm glad she came and got me, but it was so hard to see her and know all the bad things she was thinking. i'm even more glad our neighbor came too. she couldn't yell at me and lecture me as long as he was there.

[filter: col]

i'm sorry i'm so sorry please don't be mad at me
Mood: guiltyguilty
Lord Derek of Allba
31 May 2011 @ 12:32 am
[Filter: Private, in Old High Dentorian]

Hm ... a son, you say.

That would not be very convenient for me, now would it?

Well now ... there's no use dwelling on that all the way out here. I must really just enjoy myself while I'm out here. It isn't everyday I'm allowed such comforts, after all.

Such a lively place, Rowan.
Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
31 May 2011 @ 12:34 am
[Filter: Dairanne, in Atsirian]

Hey! Guess what! Mother said I could wear one of my new suits if I go out on a nice date with you again! She just said I couldn't wear my really nice one because that needs to be saved for Queen Edalene's wedding! Isn't that great!?
Mood: excitedexcited
31 May 2011 @ 12:56 am
It's not as easy making extra gold here by playing at some of the taverns. I guess I just don't know enough Korin songs. I'm making a little bit when I go out... but nothing like I was in Floran or Atsiria. Every little bit helps though, right?

I wonder if the library here might have some songs I can work with...
Mood: disappointeddisappointed
31 May 2011 @ 01:13 am
[Filter: Private]

Hm. Meeting with my father himself. It should be exciting, if nothing else, and I look forward to seeing how Lady Lauren can hold herself in such a position. It is one thing to act a Lady in the presence of servants and at meals, but an altogether different thing to stand in front of one of the most important men in Eina.

I also look forward to seeing how the old man is holding up. If he is becoming old and frail, it might be harder than I would like to regain my seat. The best case scenario would be to knock my sister down a notch and out of his favor, while proving to him that I have what it takes to rule in his name. It will be much easier if I have the previous Lords' blessing, then having to start a fight over rights to the title.

[Filter: Lady Lauren]

I've been thinking. If you wish me to be a part of your meeting with Lord Valtes, and we truly want to pass me off as one of your personal guards, we might need a reason for why you would choose a Kilian rather than someone of your own house.

It was well enough when we were all just retainers, but being chosen to escort you to Lord Valtes himself might raise some questions. Perhaps not from the servants, but some of the more educated members of the court and surely Lord Valtes and Lady Ruseia would notice. I suspect he is going to look for as many holes in your story as he can, to truly find out whether you are lying to him and what your true intentions are.
Mood: restlessrestless
31 May 2011 @ 01:31 am
[Filter: Private]

The walking dead ... right.

Where shall I begin? It'll give me something to do during my down time, at the very least ... hmm ...


[Filter: Keller]


Hello Keller, this is your reminder!
Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Cylina of Coliya
31 May 2011 @ 09:59 am
[Filter: Private]

This is ... bad.

I would never have thought, until that night when- I didn't think Coliya would ever have done anything like it did. And I've never seen Henry look worse than he did when Edward told him about what happened. And what's going to happen next.

I can't stop thinking about that night and ...
31 May 2011 @ 10:04 am
Jayden has been trying to read what is written here in my journal. Unfortunately for him, he still only knows a handful of words in Trade. Still, it may not be that much longer before he is able to make out longer ones, especially anything phonetic.

Writing himself, however, will take longer. He is still writing his name with a backwards y in it. I think I will miss that, when he finally stops.
Justine of Ysak
31 May 2011 @ 10:06 am
[Filter: Rolen]

Mother sent a messenger here. It seems that my presence is required in Razen. Something about a wedding, I don't really know the details. It sounds like it could be entertaining, at least. And I get a new dress.

Maybe by the time I'm back, you'll have figured out the whole not being married anymore thing.
31 May 2011 @ 10:11 am
The junk shop has been really busy lately, mostly with people bringing in stuff they don't want anymore. But right now most of the people are actually happy about it because they actually want it to give it away because they got it all together when they were doing some spring cleaning which is much nicer than the other times we get.

There's also been a lot of people coming in to buy things though, now that we have new stuff. There's this one girl who has come every day, just to look around. But she hasn't bought anything yet. I think Jerry's getting a bit annoyed with her now though he hasn't said anything. Actually, I don't think anyone's said anything to her.

Maybe I'll say hello at least when she comes in next.
Suaimeas (Patience)
31 May 2011 @ 10:15 am

I'm going to leave Taln tomorrow. I don't know exactly where I'm going but it has to be east.

I think I will miss being here though. It was nice to read books all day, even if I couldn't always find what I was looking for. I learned a lot of interesting things.

But ... there isn't anything else here for me anymore.
Maire of Lysel
31 May 2011 @ 10:19 am
[Filter: Destin]

Our anniversary this year was perfect, wasn't it? I'm still thinking about it even now. When I'm not thinking about the baby, of course. I think about him or her a lot too.

I really wish we had more time together like that. And more time with you, me, and Violet. I hope she doesn't get jealous because of all this. What's it like, to have a younger brother or sister suddenly? Is it hard?
Megan of Ysak
31 May 2011 @ 10:21 am
[Filter: Private]

By all accounts, he should already be against these measures. Despite what has happened in the past, it is easy to see where his loyalties lie. And while he may still not be the most influential of councillors, he could still be a valuable ally.

[Filter: Gideon Eshene]

Hello. I was hoping you might have a moment to discuss this new bill, concerning the trade taxation.
Anita of Vernhail
31 May 2011 @ 01:43 pm
[Filter: Private]

Oh, Diary!

I oughtn't hope that Lord Nicolas buys that beautiful necklace for me, but it was simply the loveliest thing I've ever seen! It was all so delicate, and if I were to wear it, I'd look truly fit to be on Lord Nicolas' arm ...

I hope he understood what I was trying to say! Oh, I would not want to make it too obvious for fear of seeming greedy, but it could hardly hurt so much to ask, could it? And Lord Nicolas has always been so eager to please me in the past. I'm sure that's no different now!
Mood: hopefulhopeful
31 May 2011 @ 02:23 pm
[Filter: Private]

And what started this in the first place?

Territorial disputes are one thing, but this is entirely another. These houses have been circling one another for ages. It hasn't escalated like this in years. Possibly in decades. They've been content to just posture and try to guess which of them was more powerful.

Something must have set this off. An attack? That patrol Eve mentioned with both sides slaughtered? Or something else entirely?

Even if I did ask, I doubt they'd tell me. They're likely beginning to think I've been a spy all along after all, it just was never for Hanmor.
Mood: pensivepensive
Mi (Hermione)
31 May 2011 @ 02:35 pm
[Filter: Private]

And what if I said I didn't know how to fix it?

I don't know what I'm supposed to say or do to make things better. She doesn't trust me anymore. She doesn't want to talk to me. Even if I get her to listen to me, it's just going to turn into a big argument. Even now that I have this job. Especially now that I have this job.

I don't even deserve this job.

I don't even want it.
Mood: gloomygloomy
Seraphine (Elina)
31 May 2011 @ 02:43 pm
Yesterday's events make today's sun seem so much bright, sometimes~ Oh, the wedding was just lovely, Rebecca ...! Didn't everyone else think that it was wonderful? I've never been to a wedding before. Ah, though, that's not true. I'm sure that I have, I just ... don't remember. But that means that this was new to me ...~ That's what matters, doesn't it?

It made me think about what it'll be like when I get married. I don't know who my father will match me with, but I'm sure he'll be a very high lord~~ My wedding should be very grand, shouldn't it? I hope that he and I look as happy together as you and Colin did, Rebecca. Ah, and no matter how rich and large my ceremony is, yours had so much warmth and beauty, I'm sure it won't be any better ...~
Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Tarmon of Emeron
31 May 2011 @ 02:45 pm
[Filter: House Emeron]

Father has not thought it imperative to inform me of whatever he plans he has to ensure Benedette's safety, but he has been informed of what is happening. I find it ridiculous that I was still dismissed as though I am nothing more than a small boy complaining that someone took his tow, and the decision of what would be done has not been clarified for all of us to know.

Surely Father knows everyone is concerned for her safety. What, then, is the point in obscuring whatever he plans to do? It will only cause everyone else more worry.
Mood: crankycranky
Peter of Bresa
31 May 2011 @ 02:54 pm
[Filter: Caitlin]

Caitlin, love.

I had the thought that since you and I enjoyed our ride so much the other day, that we might make an occasion for taking more rides together as a family. I suppose we will need to talk to Quinn in person about this, of course, since he's been too busy with his work to look at these books, but I'm sure Debby would happily agree. We cold even arrange little picnics or things of the sort, and I do know how much you like those.

Now, we'd probably have to intrude on Debby's little outings with Ariel like the one she's on today, but I'm sure we can come to an agreement that everyone is happy with, one way or another.

What do you say, love?
Mood: cheerfulcheerful
31 May 2011 @ 03:07 pm
[Filter: Private]

What place do I have to judge her?

I'm worse than her. Every society would agree. She's a victim of circumstance -- one who chose her own path, but still. It's him who's to blame, and his responsibility to take ownership. Me who's to blame. It's black and white, isn't it? For me to look at her and see what I see, it makes me the worst sort of hypocrite. I know it does. But

[Filter: Public]

I promised Inara I would spend the morning with Clarissa while she had to go out and run some errands, so I did. She does look ... better, now that she has people to help her. She smiles more. That's nice to see.

She was talking about maybe building a nursery. Her home is so small, she's not sure what she's going to do with the baby when he's born, but her land is big enough to expand the house. Lumber is cheap in this country, too, nothing like the East back home. But she'll pay a lot for labour. Probably more than she can afford, with her situation.

Still, that place is too cramped for anyone else to live there ...
Mood: guiltyguilty
31 May 2011 @ 03:26 pm
[Filter: Karlesta, in Atsirian]

As we agreed, Karlesta, I have compiled a list of every place I have seen this spectre of Lord Lawrence since we last spoke. I am the same as you ... only glimpses, and only for short times, and after, my head is left feeling quite strange. But with my eyes kept open and my mind kept intent, I have seen him more than I had in the past.

- Jaerelle's Square, near the fountain bowl
- The Street of Dust, twice, both by the Grand Library
- When I was speaking in the Sarrisian Courtyard, I saw him amoung the crowd, but he wasn't listening to me, just ... pushing through. No one else seemed to notice him. I thought it strange.
- Gernez Street, but only for a moment, and then he ducked into an alley. I couldn't find him when I pursued.
- And once at the east bank of the oasis, while we past with our retinue. He was just standing, looking out over the water. It seemed almost that he disappeared when I blinked.

This is the strangest search I have ever pursued.
Mood: calmoddly calm
Messenger of Darkness
31 May 2011 @ 03:31 pm
I've never told anyone......

Never in my life.

There have been plenty of people close to me, deeply close. People I might have told. But it was never worth it, and my fear was always that they would be a being of Light, and they would kill me. My fear was never dying. There have been plenty of times when death would have been welcome. But being killed by someone I loved...

I could never chance that.

But what if there were someone I trusted, but did not love? Someone I respected, but did not worship? It would be no great tragedy to die on his blade, if it should come to that, and I am so so tired of secrets, this secret that's devoured my life and my existence.

I never asked for this and I'd trade it in an instant and I wish I could fight for the other side if I had to fight at all, but.....

I'm so tired of being all alone.
31 May 2011 @ 03:36 pm
I saw him again, today ...

He shouldn't have to look so sad or so cold. I don't understand, and it's just not fair. He was always happy and smiling, always!! He used to tell me to let bad things go, just let them go and focus on being happy and the rest would just come from there and, and

I didn't listen to him. He was right, but I didn't, and I wish I had, too.

Something's changed. He doesn't want to talk about what happened in the city while I was gone. But something did!!! Something must have!!

[Filter: Private]

... is it my fault?
Mood: worriedworried
31 May 2011 @ 03:39 pm
You know, okay, maybe I was wrong and Eina isn't actually as bad as Aelvir.

I've been kind of shooting in the yard the last few days, yeah? It's been a while since I've really gotten to actually practice, especially somewhere that actully has a yard and targets and nice bows. I mean, I like my old bow, but it's getting old and it's kind of, yeah. You know how it goes.

But anyway, some of the troops have actually been willing to talk to me about it. Asking me where I learned to shoot, and even if it is kind of embarrassing to say well I kind of learned from my older brother as a kid, then they look impressed that I'm actually pretty good when I didn't ever have a real teacher. I mean, it's fine to say since I'm not a soldier, but well.

It's ... kind of nice. To actually get to talk to other people again, outside of our group. I mean, I like everybody here fine but you know, it felt so ... closed off, in Aelvir.
Lord Hasten of Lireth
31 May 2011 @ 03:53 pm
[Filter: Private]

A month, I said. I would search for a month.

Well, it has been that and a day, and there has been no sign of Elthea. She's vanished as surely as snow in summer, seeped into the ground and disappeared, simple as that. It seems impossible that she could outsmart my entire contingent, but I hardly know what befell her during those months ... years she was away from us. She could have learned from poachers and ran with bandits, for all I can say.

... Amaeyra was right, damn her, damn her. Elthea is gone, sure as anything.

Damn them all.

Gone for now, certainly, but not forever. Not Elthea. She could never simply leave us alone, could she? We were content to let her lay dead in her grave, until she insisted upon tormenting us from these pages. I could have let her go and live her life, presuming she said nothing to no one, but Father broke that one, didn't he. He put the fight in her, and now she can't be silenced or stopped.

Or chased, it would seem.

No, she'll do things on her own damned time, and to hell with the rest of us. She'll appear when she deigns it, and when she does ...

Dragons have mercy on us. She knows what I did, I could see it. I could see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice. She doesn't remember how I tried to love her, how I doted on her in her crib. She knows me as the Lion, and why not. That's what I've shown her for as long as she could remember. She knows me as my father's heir, and I'll bear the brunt of her hatred for him. And not just me -- Amaeyra, Fartgus, Isanae. My daughters, as well. Perhaps even Isanae's infant son. We're all Lireth, even he, and Elthea's all but declared blood war. On her own line.

But first she'll wait. Oh, she'll wait. A week, a month, a year. And as Amaeyra so lovingly pointed out, I can hardly just clomp around the countryside for the rest of my damned life. I can't find her. I searched and she is gone, and wishing that were not so will not make it true. I cannot snap my fingers and force her to appear. I am wasting my time. I hate that she's right, but she is.

I've been too long from Lireth. My advisors have run my land, and my people do not know me any longer. I still do not have a male heir. I have been in the North, in the West, in Eblar, in the South, but I have not been in Lireth and acting as a true lord in far, far too long. I cannot let it go to seed any longer.

So I return and leave Elthea to bide her time and hatch her plots.


Dragons. How did it all go to ruin like this? It's as if the first piece broke off the day Elthea first fled, and it's been coming apart, bit by bit, ever since.

And there's nothing I can do.

[Filter: Amaeyra]

I'm returning. Have I missed this lovely little ball, or will I be able to grace the people with my esteemed presence.
Mood: angryangry
Keran of Sarrca
31 May 2011 @ 04:15 pm
[Filter: Private]

Why, whatever could Varise be up to? Calling their bannermen, raising such a terrible ruckus down south. Everyone's absolutely paranoid of what they could be doing. Or they're eager to dismiss it as rumors and hearsay, but now, isn't that even more foolish? It's always wiser to be paranoid in Korin.

And, well, if these rebels of mine want House Forna to rise, so it shall, I suppose.

Now, for scouting out the grounds a bit. I'll need to be sure everything is in order before I strike at the heart of it. There's no need to make matters more complicated for myself unnecessarily.

[Filter: Public]

I've heard rumors, though I've no idea how true they are, that these tales of the undead are moving further and further to the West. Disturbing talk, if it's true; let's hope that the mountains prove a bit too difficult for them to find their way over, shall we? In any case, I'm sure Sarrca will be safe, here at the crown of the world.

I'm at least glad that all of the reports have come to me, and they're still not so prevalent that my children have heard of them. It would be very hard to soothe my poor Rosie with stories like this giving her nightmares.
31 May 2011 @ 04:30 pm
Carlotta and I went riding today. It was nice to have it just the two of us, talking about whatever we pleased ...

I think that losing Father like this has been dreadful for her. She doesn't want to talk about it, but I would never make her. She's been so gracious about having me here, and she hasn't dared to ask me anything that she knows would make me uncomfortable. But I can see it, sometimes, when the subject of Father comes up ...

I wish I could help her. It's been wonderful for me to get away from Lucre like this, and have some empty space to breathe at home. But it must be so hard for her, when this is her home, and she can't stand to leave him.

I do feel awful for her when I see her like that.
Mood: sympatheticsympathetic
31 May 2011 @ 04:32 pm
[Filter: Jack]

You know, I'm still not sure why you haven't just given up on these games of yours yet. By now you've got to realize I'm never going to get any better at playing. Or at bluffing. Isn't it exhausting?
Mood: curiouscurious
31 May 2011 @ 04:37 pm
[Filter: Private]

Truly, I do not want to think about weddings.

[Filter: Sir Agi, Philip]

Sir Agi! Philip and I were recently talking about you, and we realized -- my, you've hardly seen the best side of Floran's hospitality, since your place at our Princess's side was taken by your Prince, have you? The more we thought about that, the more tragic it's seemed! Why, you're all but ignored, these days! And having come so far. You must have a terrible impression of us, don't you?

Well, we thought that we should do something about that! Certainly, you might not be a Prince ... but you are a guest here at the court! Philip and I would love to invite you to a dinner some day soon, just the three of us! Nothing grand, to be certain, but it should give you a better taste of how things really are, in Floran!

Perhaps ... Thursday? Or is there a day that would be better for you?
Mood: blahblah
31 May 2011 @ 05:00 pm
[Filter: Private]

It's insane. That's what it is. She's insane.

Alastair is a shit. He was born a shit. Mother made him her little pet, and then Mother left us and Carlotta joined us, and Alastair never forgave her that sin. It set the tone for the rest of his damned life. He abused her, and he abused Leana.

But what she's suggesting is insane.

Poison, that's what she won't quite say. She's trying to convince me that he's poisoning our father. It's -- yes, it's insane. It's laughable. Alastair is a shit, but there's a gulf the length of Eire between being spoiled and unpleasant, and being a patricidal lunatic.

And Eudora ...

Well, that's even more insane. That poor sweet thing? Even if Alastair were capable of this, he could never talk her into it.

But ...

But there is the business of the healer. And his notes. And the fact that Eudora was with him. She seems so innocent as to be incorruptible, but if that were true, she'd never have slept with another man, no matter how he preyed on her. At least, that's how I understand these things are supposed to go.

I don't know.

Leana needs my help. If she could do this alone, have Father declared unsuitable for rule and move him to a place where he could be cared for, she'd do it. It's obvious that she has no doubts. If this is going to happen, she needs me. She needs me to convince Mother. She needs Hilary and my connections in Lucre to move things along quickly.

I wish she didn't, and could just fix this up all herself. The fact is, if Father gets better and finds himself with no titles, no lands, and Alastair Lord of Fairen, it'll be my fault, and me who'll bear the brunt of it. I was never good enough for him in any other way, must I be the one who destroys what he spent his whole life working towards? That Fairen is a House that someone would even consider patricide to own is only because of him. When he was born, we were nothing, barely enough money and prestige to call ourselves nobility. He might have gotten where he is by selling my sister, but ...

Why do I have to be the person who decides whether he dies as Lord of Fairen, or lives as a forgotten, gibbering idiot?

And to think, this was supposed to be a relaxing visit home. Wonderful. I'd love to ask Hilary about all of this ...
Mood: stressedstressed
Celeste of Franel
31 May 2011 @ 05:15 pm
[Filter: Private]

I ...

I dream, about the things I saw.

At first, I ... I barely ... remembered them. They were just shadows ... memories of memories, but ... ah.

The more time passes, I ... I see them more clearly. A man dying. I ... I loved that man, and he died, and it was ... it was the worst thing that ever could have happened to me. I ... there was ...

And there was a song.

I can't remember it. I ... I just remember that it mattered, that it was important, and that ... ah, somehow ... somehow, that song changed everything.

Somehow, I changed everything ...

... I don't understand.

Kail and Lawrence ... they ... they've never remembered like this, have they? I ... they've always said that it's all a blank ... they remembered feeling things, but not what they felt. But me ...

I remember, clearer and clearer every day. I can't make sense of what I see, but I see it all the same ...

I wonder if it's this place. It's wonderful, it's beautiful, but there's ... there's something about it ...
31 May 2011 @ 05:44 pm
[Filter: Erin, in Kilian]

You asked me about the moons some time ago. Ever since, whenever I look up to see them, I think about how they could possibly relate to anything magical. It seemed strange to me to think about because they were so far away.

I believe I have the beginnings of an answer for you, and I am kicking myself for not having thought of it earlier.

One of the things I have successfully deconstructed when it comes to the tomes I've been able to fiddle around with is location. This might be a little easier due to the kind of magic I use: Thunder magic is heavily reliant on the location parts of its spell. It's very easy to tell where they differ from the rest of the text because of their complexities. Fire and wind only truly require source locations, usually centered around the location of the caster. You have to be very specific with thunder magic, or its going to fry you and everything around you in an instant.

I'm not sure of the name you would give it in Kilia, but the near legendary tome Tempest was instrumental in allowing me to find the sections required for ... unorthodox spell pathing. Despite everything, you still need to see where the magic will come from. You don't quite need to see where it will go, but it makes combat magic worthless if you can't. Most tomes simplify this basic need by specifying where the source will be, and it's always close to the caster. Tempest is the only Thunder tome I know of that forces you to do the complex sighting of your source, and pathing it manually to the target. The bonus is that you can cast from anywhere you can see.

What is interesting to me is that the only reason you have to see something is because the spell is designed to write your position in the spell, and the position of your source. The tome has no idea where you are in the world until you tell it, and it only knows you want to change something -- it doesn't know the specifics until you're casting.

The moons are a giant focus point. When the moons are aligned, anyone in the world who knows the math can tell you exactly where you are in Eire. You wouldn't need to see something to cast a spell at it. You would need an amount of magical power that I can't even comprehend to send the spell to its destination, but you wouldn't have to see it.

This theory is useless to me; I have no way to test it at all. It has no applications that I could ever put into use, even if I had four hundred years to work on a spell that could use it. But I thought you might find it interesting.
Queen Edalene of Atsiria
31 May 2011 @ 05:44 pm

Hee, only 22 days until my wedding~!

Everyone had better have gotten their dragons in time! Every single person from every single House has to be here, that's what everyone agrees has always happened. Then they can all swear in to the new King-Consort after the ceremony is done. I even worked that part into the plans! If even one Lady doesn't arrive, it's going to ruin just everything.

I wish that everyone had journals, that would make it all so much easier! I could just ask, and they could tell me that they're on their way, and it would be as simple as that. Hmph. Well, I'll just have to hope, I suppose ...

There's still so much to do! I don't know how I'll ever finish in time ...
Mood: busybusy
31 May 2011 @ 05:54 pm
Well, after all of that banging on, we still haven't seen anything from Varise more than silly rumours nobody can agree on. It's been a month. If there were something happening, it would have, by now. Father always said strike hard and strike fast, so your enemy never sees you coming.

I wish Bea would let that rest her mind. I told her that, and all she said was that Varise is more measured than Sylea. What does that even mean?

She has headaches all the time.
Mood: worriedworried
31 May 2011 @ 06:01 pm
[Filter: Daisy]

I know you're just going to say that I don't have to worry about it and it's not my responsibility if I don't want it to be, but -- I swear, I just can't get that girl out of my head. Er Not in any sort of ... weird way, but ...

I feel bad for her. She should have Nobody should be alone for this sort of thing.

... maybe we should do something to help.
Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
31 May 2011 @ 06:13 pm
Heh, well, I think I'm just plain hopeless. Rae had me up there for a good two hours yesterday, pointing out all the differences between the pegasi, and I tried, really! No success, though. I think I made my little teacher very frustrated with me, huh, Rae?

Big stupid boys jut don't get it, I guess. Maybe that's why they don't like us.
Mood: cheerfulcheerful
31 May 2011 @ 06:22 pm
[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]


[a very long pause]

If a man is weak because he's driven by his baser urges, and lacks the capacity for empathetic, careful deductions ... just why am I thinking so much?

Mother believed that there was always a clean way to achieve your goals. Mother befriended Queen Alayna when she came to this city. Mother would never have let herself get this deep into

No. No, my blood goes further back than that. Queen Azshara would never have wrinkled her nose at a little dirt, a little darkness, and the wrong sort of person. Everything is going perfectly. I'm performing as well as any daughter ever has, as well as Westa even would have.

This is what has to be done. Man up. Go back down in that grimy, dark hole, and come out a King.
Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
31 May 2011 @ 06:27 pm
[filter: private]

there are two types of precedent I need to explore, here. who to contact about them ...

[filter: Father Forbes]

Father, I'm sorry to bother you, but I have need of some help. I believe that you're the only ... experienced high ranking priest in Lucre, at the moment? there's some information I would greatly appreciate you seeking out for me, if you have the time.

[filter: Sir Varnes, in atsirian]

I've come to see you as a scholarly sort of fellow. am I right in that, or should I bother someone else, and leave you be? there's a project I've taken some curiousity in and could use help with.
Mood: workingworking
31 May 2011 @ 06:37 pm
[Filter: Private]

Oh, my.

When I said I was up for the challenge, perhaps I ... overestimated myself just a bit. My, my, my. I didn't quite realize just how much effort it would be to extend the illusion over so many minds all at once, or just how alert I would have to keep to be sure that none of the family ever wander into a room and see him before I can push it onto them, as well. Difficult, I expected, but I didn't anticipate it being so exhausting.

Not to mention how little I've been able to make use of my magic for anything else! I suppose that since we don't use it quite like the Kilians do, we just assume it's a decorative sort of hobby, but I didn't realize just how much I rely on it for the little things. Just having to shake the wrinkles out of my gowns, myself, instead of a simple force spell! Well, maybe I'll drop a few pounds, waving these plump arms around doing that.

It certainly isn't any more than I can handle -- not yet. But I must admit to myself, it's beginning to wear on me. I should start thinking about how I might cut some corners in the spell itself. Perhaps I could ask Aileen ...

At least he's spending the afternoon by himself. Though there's another task I promised someone help with ...

[Filter: Keagan]

Dear, do you think you might have time to do that little test, this afternoon~? I seem to, quite miraculously, have a bit of unoccupied time, and you did seem quite eager to see the results.
Mood: tiredtired
Rhoswen of House Karnach
31 May 2011 @ 06:54 pm

It's so difficult to concentrate on normal matters of government, these days, isn't it, just~? Sitting around and talking endlessly about bills and policies and all of that certainly has its warm, cozy corner in my life, but it's damned hard to get excited about it when the Queen (and my cousin!) marries in less than a month!

I can't even remember what's all being proposed, at the moment. I know, horrible! I hardly deserve my House seat! But it's the truth! I just keep thinking about the amazing spread of food that's going to be set out at the reception, and how beautiful dear Edalene is going to look in her gown, and how excited Keslene is for the new dress we're having made for her. And then everything around the Jewel's Table looks so boring I could scream!

Ethne, big sister! Are we going out this evening? Ever since you said we might, I can't get that off my head, either, and now if I don't eat stuffed olives tonight, I'm going to have to sit on somebody!
Mood: chipperchipper
31 May 2011 @ 07:19 pm
[Filter: Private]

So, Lord Hasten is coming, after all.

... ugh.

Bloody stupid to have hoped he just never came. Fartgus and I could get married in peace, go off to Eblar, and avoid him for good. Brilliant, Chloe, really. That was realistic.

It's been years since the day he hit me. I shouldn't still be afraid. He's friends with Glenn and Dillon, now, too. Maybe that will make him a little more fond of me. Though maybe not, who bloody knows? That man is unfathomable.

I hate this place. I really do. Cold is right. This family isn't anything like mine. We might have had our differences, some more than others, but even Kiefer and Glenn -- that fire burns hot. There's nothing like this, here, not in any of them.

Stupid little girl, thinking I might avoid seeing Lord Hasten. He'll be my goodbrother, soon enough. I need to get used to it.

[Filter: Public]

You know, brothers and sister, my wedding is in August, less than three months from now. I hope that means that you've started making your plans! You'd bloody better well all be here~
Mood: nervousnervous
31 May 2011 @ 07:26 pm
[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

Something bothers her ...

I wish I could ask.

... but I have my own things to concern myself with, and she should stay far from them. The Queen. The Prince. His movements, her curiousities. Those are my burdens alone, and perhaps hers are the same. After all, as she says, we are not simply two women. We are powerful, and we have responsibilities and biases that cannot risk being ... complicated.

But I so want to be complicated.
Mood: blahblah
31 May 2011 @ 07:31 pm
[Filter: Privit]

No one can ever see this entry, ever.

I -- oh, I understand now. I understand everything. I just hadnt thot of it like that befor, I hadnt thought about girls. It never even ... I never even ...

Wat shod I tell her? No, thats not even -- wat do I do?

I cant tak to anybody, nobody at all. Not even Quinn wood understand this. I no wat they say about men who like men. There week, they say, there broken, there sick. It has to be the same.

But ...

Oh, I ... I ...

I dont no.
Mood: distresseddistressed
31 May 2011 @ 07:37 pm
[Filter: Lysander]

I have a question. It's a question I wondered for a long, long time, but never asked until now. I've been worried about what you'd answer. But I want to know. I really want to know.
Mood: scaredscared
31 May 2011 @ 07:56 pm
You know the most amazing things keep happening to me, ever since House Taerin so generously took me in. For example, I was just in the kitchens, right, I figured they'd have something left over from lunch, whatever. And this guy comes up to me, all decked out in Eina livery, and he shoves this platter at me, I mean this thing is piled with pastries and muffins and these little winter raisin things, I don't even know what they call them. It's like he read my mind! And he's like "here, sir, your lady requested refreshment in her solar," and I'm like well first off, I'm pretty sure Lauren already had lunch, and secondly, I have no idea where her solar is. Did you always have one of those, Lauren, or is that new?

Anyway so long story short, free pastries in the servant's quarters. I already ate like four, I'm stuffed. The raisin things are probably the best, so yeah, you're welcome.
Mood: cheerfulcheerful
31 May 2011 @ 08:14 pm
Inara, I picked up a few things for Clarissa at the market, today. I have some friends there, so I just sort of ... mentioned I had a friend that was expecting. It was actually sort of ... touching, how excited some of ladies were. ... Anyway, so yeah. I wanted to take them to her soon, and I thought you'd probably want to come, too?

I had to put up with a lot of "you're next" jokes to get these, so she'd better like them! And one of the ladies there, she says she might have some things ... her boys all grew out of their old clothes, and she wasn't sure what to do with most of it anyway. She said she'd pack up a bag for me, if I wanted.

It's ... nice, you know, I was just thinking about this. Compared to how things were when I first got here. You know how it was. It's so nice to see people still care. That they're still -- people. It makes me feel better about staying here. Not that I've been feeling bad about it, or anything, but -- I hope I'm making sense. Probably not. I'll shut up, now, I'm done~

[Filter: Private]

And her name is Hope. I should have said something. I thought if I got a closer look, it wouldn't be so ... eerie. But no, that just made it worse. It's not just the hair, like I thought. We could pass as sisters, no problem. Twins, maybe, even ...

I wonder if she's ever seen me, and thought the same thing?
Mood: weirdweird
31 May 2011 @ 08:16 pm
[Filter: Private]

It is good to be home. I did not realise how I've missed it until I saw the forests. How lush and green the land was. The smell of wood. It reminded me of my childhood. It feel so long ago ...

I am glad that my children are here to see the place their mother was raised. That they will understand what I mean when I speak of the forest. Allba is not too different, but Rowan is wilder. Beautiful and dangerous.

I do not want to think of leaving.
Mood: happyhappy
Devine of Rhia
31 May 2011 @ 08:28 pm
[Filter: Private]

Not knowing what exactly is going on is the worst. Especially after Rachelle was just let off the hook like that, and Clarice too. Is it actually over? Can I stop being paranoid about someone being out to get me? Dragons, why did he have to be so vague about it. I can't just write and ask Grandfather either, or he'd know I was worried about it. I don't want him thinking I'm such a coward.

If he knows, he'd tell me, right?
Mood: nervousnervous
Amaeyra of Lireth
31 May 2011 @ 09:02 pm
[Filter: Private]

Ah, the girls ... Luna, Kiara and Alyssa. It is true, what Fartgus and Aunt Mariana say. They admire me. Even in awe of me. I would be lying if I said it does not thrill me even a little, to know I am admired. Even when it can be said that I am flawed, after a fashion. Twenty five, and unwed. They watch me so carefully, I wonder what it is they are trying to see.

And they adore Mae as well. They play with her without complaint, and Mae is happy to find some new people who give her attention. I hope they will grow closer. It will be good for Mae to have someone close to her age to befriend.
Mood: peacefulpeaceful
Keane of House Sylea
31 May 2011 @ 09:03 pm

Day after day I'm hearing from our bannermen that more and more of their people are headed for Dentoria. Why the fuck they're bothering, I don't know; these walking dead rumors are just a crock of bullshit, and so are all the rumors about Varise planning anything. There's no reason westerners should be fleeing for the border. There's nothing to be scared of here. This is fucking Korin, if that Hanmor-Nasen conflict is seriously upsetting anybody they never actually had ice in their veins to begin with. And I don't know what the fuck else could be driving people out.

If I could erect walls around the entire Sylea territory to keep those cowardly little shits in, I would. If I could put a law in place that they wouldn't just fucking ignore, I'd do it. What the fuck place is there for them in Dentoria? What do they think they're going to do down there besides melt into the ground?
Mood: annoyedannoyed
31 May 2011 @ 09:14 pm
[Filter: Private ; Atsirian]


We should be glad. We will not be required to explain something beyond our comprehension. I am glad, at least.

Yet, one wonders. Why not this year?
Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Lord Rylan of Allba
31 May 2011 @ 09:23 pm
You would think that in all of the business we have had lately that I might have forgotten my commitments to the financial interests of the realm. If there was ever a doubt, I have all of my submissions filled out in triplicate, and a copy is on its way to the King.

If anyone was curious, 628 was a good year.
31 May 2011 @ 09:28 pm
[Filter: Private ; Kilian]

Great. Of course she's going to take you seriously, idiot. Aurnia wasn't kidding when she said she'd never laugh at me. She's incapable of being insincere, who would have thought?

I'm going to be the one who gets to write the reply back to her. Shove all the amusing correspondence to the most junior member of the group, that's how this place works. Maybe I should make sure I'm the one who writes back. Who knows what the others might write to her.
Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
31 May 2011 @ 09:34 pm
Well, Rebecca, I also have to congratulate you on your wedding. Do enjoy your honeymoon, whatever the two of you have planned, and we will miss you quite terribly at court! I can't imagine the lot of us will be talking about anything but your wedding for the next set of weeks.

[Filter: Amelie]

So, Thursday it is, then, I suppose? This will be fascinating. I'm honestly curious how he's going to react.
Mood: busybusy
31 May 2011 @ 10:01 pm
[Filter: Private]

Harumph. It never ceases to amaze me how similar that damn girl is to me when I was younger. I wanted to be a soldier. I wanted to fight on the front lines. I wanted to receive orders and execute them with precision. I wanted to make my Lord and superior officers proud. The last thing I wanted was to be in charge of a bunch of fresh new recruits. Training men isn't glamorous. Training doesn't get you respect and glory. You're not in charge of anything important, and Dragons know I didn't think I knew the first thing about teaching anyone to be soldiers. Hell, I ran off and fled to Hanalan thinking I wasn't cut out for even being a damn grunt.

Turns out it was the best damn thing that ever coulda happened to me. I'm going to miss this job.

She'll see it the same way, one day. I hope.
Mood: gloomygloomy
31 May 2011 @ 10:27 pm
[Filter: Crow]

So, I've done a bit of looking around and I think I'm going to need to know a bit more. I guess the big thing is probably how much you can afford to pay for it. It's really hard to look at anything without knowing that.
31 May 2011 @ 10:37 pm
Wow, we just got a delivery of some of the largest zucchini I have ever seen. These things are giants! I'm almost a bit nervous about the idea of eating one because they're so weirdly huge.

Oh well, at least they might distract the regular customers enough for them to stop asking me when I'm going to have a baby and discussing whether I look pregnant. Seriously, I thought they were bad when they were asking about the wedding every two seconds but that was nothing compared to this.
Lady Mariana of Tersel
31 May 2011 @ 10:41 pm
[Filter: Private]

How strange it is, to be spending time with my sister once more. And how strange for it to even be strange at all~ I never would have imagined these years of separation, during our girlhood.

She seems nervous at times. I am sure I do as well. It is impossible not to examine and judge and be examined and judged. But only for a short time, I am sure. Yes, once we have gotten used to each other once more, I am sure it will feel like no time has passed at all.
31 May 2011 @ 10:43 pm
[Filter: Hana, in Kilian]

Darling, what would you think if I said I wanted to run off to Korin to see a pegasus in flight?~
Damien of Noye
31 May 2011 @ 10:55 pm
[Filter: Private]

Two weeks of nothing. There are too many islands, and a trail that ran cold years ago. They didn't leave a plan of where they wanted to go because they didn't know where they wanted to.

Why am I even down here? It's moving into the Summer months on the warmest seas in the world, and I will be cooking myself for a dream I've had since I became chained to Noye. This was the one thing I wanted to do if ever the event came that took Noye away from me. This is what I wanted to do. Why did I ever think this was a good idea?

The ship is in the red. Last time I refused to be a merchant, but this time I'm going to do it right. I know how to play this game, I've watched people play it before.
Mood: determineddetermined
Eudora of Fairen
31 May 2011 @ 11:26 pm
[Filter: Private]

I'm beginning to weary of this, my dear goodsister. I am sure I am leaving nothing behind for you to find but it's so tiring to constantly be watching everything so closely. And to top it off, I still don't quite know what your intentions are. But I'm sure I won't like them.

This family reunion has been fun but I won't be sorry to see it end.
31 May 2011 @ 11:37 pm
I haven't done any flybys yet, but I've been flying Senna a lot more lately. I wasn't kidding when I said she was getting fat. She still is. I've been flying her, but less and less each week. She's used to a lot of activity, and now I think I fucked up not taking her out more.

Guess who gets to fly extra hard starting now? That's right.
Lian of Veirnan
31 May 2011 @ 11:44 pm
[Filter: Father]

I have a question about the help you need. Linnell and I were talking and ... she thought that maybe I could help for some of her shifts? ... I don't mind doing it, as long as you don't. I really want to help.