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15 May 2011 @ 01:10 am
[Filter: Lenore]

So, you still wanting to see my place for whatever reason? It ain't pretty, I'm gonna warn you ahead of time so you don't get your hopes up. And you're gonna have to wait a bit. I got to clean the place up before it'd be anything close to presentable for a lady like you.
Mood: boredbored
Destin of Lysel
15 May 2011 @ 01:44 am
[Filter: Emery]


You know it's almost my and Maire's anniversary again? Three blessed years with that woman, fucking her and hoping that it somehow gets my father off my back, all apparently to no avail! Still with the harping and nitpicking and neverending nonsense. You know Violet will be a year old in August and he's still harping on me about how I slack off and I don't fulfill my duties.

I suppose this is just a very long, very roundabout way of complaining to you about the fact that I am not going to be able to get away two Sundays from now. Father is giving me the day off, and after I missed my own anniversary last year, I'm not going to be able to get out of this one. I'd be an idiot to even try.
Mood: crankycranky
Francisca of Emeron
15 May 2011 @ 02:33 am
[Filter: Private]

I am glad something's been done. Daddy was right that everything was going to be ... Everything isn't fine, but it's fine enough. I've never seen him punished that way. Even weeks later I still can't believe that happened...

I haven't been in the mood to stare down Cavvi any, but the fresh air did do me good. Lord Alexander does know how to have a good time. And he's fun! But I'm not really in the mood for fun. I'm not in the mood for anything. I don't know what's with me. I keep trying to be happy, to do something, and it's like there's something stopping me from having fun. I don't know what it is either!

Or, actually, I might. I just wish it wasn't that.

I feel like I'm sucking the fun out of everything.
Mood: discontentdiscontent
15 May 2011 @ 02:37 am
[Filter: Kail]

So, I'm just sitting here, thinking to myself of how I can generate some fun up in here. Figure that it might be a little hard. Then I think that we might want to get back to where we were before we came into the tower. You know.
Damien of Noye
15 May 2011 @ 02:49 am
A tenth of the grain rotted before we got it to port. It sat in bilge water without anyone informing me, or even moving to fix it themselves. If there were any decent sailors on this rock-sized island, there would be an exchange happening, and one half of the exchange would find themselves with my bootprints on their rears.

I am officially in debt. I lost money unloading this grain, and to keep our heads above water I've been forced to take on cargo that needs to go to the mainland to get a profit on it. Supplies, sailors pay, and repairs have me in the red. This is what I was afraid of. In two weeks if I haven't found the information I'm looking for, I'll head to the mainland to get my ship in the black. Hopefully that will satisfy the authorities.
15 May 2011 @ 10:50 am
[Filter: Karia]

So, what do you think? Am I hopeless, or do you think I've got a shot at this whole assassination business? It's been long enough, now, you've got to have some opinion!
Mood: amusedamused
15 May 2011 @ 11:00 am
[Filter: Private]

She's been wandering about half a zombie, and I just can't help but wonder if she's considering the idea. And, selfish old bat that I am, that only makes me wonder about myself. What would I do, if she went? Certainly that vile old man sitting pretty in his castle wouldn't suffer to allow me to keep the shop running, while she's gone. He'd find some pretense or another and have me shut down and run out within a week, we've danced that dance before. Devine wouldn't let me starve, I'm sure, but he'd have to go farther than usual out of his way. One day, Craig is going to discover what's happening, there. Devine is probably looking at disinheritance, but me? Darker thoughts, to be sure.

So perhaps I do run. Is it really defeat, if I go knowing that I've stolen the heart and virtue of his favorite grandson? Perhaps he will name Devine heir, and then one day I can return and spin everyone's heads backwards on their shoulders, wouldn't that be fun.

I'm too old to have choices like this. Twenty years ago, perhaps even ten ...

I've always wanted to see Kilia, always. I'd have a native of the place on my arm, they couldn't say a thing. I've never had an opportunity like this before, never dreamed of it. I ...
Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
15 May 2011 @ 11:09 am
[Filter: Private]

O-oh, my. If he is actually going to send favors to the manse, it's only a matter of time before someone comments on this, in public! Amelie and Josiah will both know, and that means Skyler will know soon after, and all of them are such gossips, they can't help themselves! I just need to explain, that's all. Before he hears it from someone else, and it sounds a good deal less innocent than it truly is! Can you imagine, diary, if he heard from Amie? She'd make it sound as though we're two steps away from marrying and running away together!

They are lovely flowers, though ... and it would be terribly rude to decline the invitation, but ...

[Filter: Jack]

Jack, hello!

I -- I have something that I must tell you, but first you must promise not to take it the wrong way!
Mood: embarrassedembarrassed
Ethne of House Karnach
15 May 2011 @ 11:13 am
[Filter: Gideon, in Atsirian]

You never did tell me how things are progressing with my little brother, you know. He's seemed especially sulky, this past week, hasn't he? I hope he's put on a better face for Aes ...

I don't know what to do with him, to be honest. One day, it seems as though he's decided to put his best foot forward, another, he's back to being four years old and begging mother to carry him everywhere.

You don't think it's too much, do you? That we're being unfair? This is what's best for him, I'll never doubt that, but some of the things he's said to me ...
Mood: blahblah
Devine of Rhia
15 May 2011 @ 11:15 am
[Filter: Private]

I can't believe they're both just getting let off like that. I don't care if they were actually behind it all or not, they still were a part of the whole mess. They still agreed to try and get me in trouble. Lucas and Torrence better not be let off that easily.

I still can't believe this is even happening. What did I ever do to deserve this? Is it just because Grandfather is paying attention to me? It all just seems so petty and ridiculous.

As long as this is all finally over... it has to be, right? Lucas and Torrence are liked by everyone, but everyone can't just ignore that they did all of this, can they?
Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
15 May 2011 @ 11:18 am
[Filter: Mark]

I thought you should know... I'm leaving. I can't find work here and I ain't got much money left, and your sister won't talk to me no matter what I do. Maybe I'll have better luck in Floran.

I'll miss you. A lot.
Mood: depresseddepressed
15 May 2011 @ 11:36 am
[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

I don't like this. Why did it have to be him? He was supposed to be gone, him and all of the rest of them, out of our lives forever. Mother shouldn't have to contend with such distractions. We have so much to do, so why must it all go back to him?

There is a reason for it, there must be. These are visions, somehow, in their own right ... what else? But I cannot fathom what further need we have of Lord Lawrence, nor he of us. And what can possibly be inferred from what little we see, now? Glimpses, only glimpses. There is nothing of use in seeing a man you know to be thousands of miles away in a crowd, only to have him slip away like smoke before you catch him. What meaning is there in that? What are we meant to see? To do?

Holy Three, I never doubt your wisdom, but I fear your servants are too stupid to solve this puzzle, this time. What are we missing? What should we see?
Mood: frustratedfrustrated
Rae of House Taerin
15 May 2011 @ 11:38 am
Siuan really loves it here! I haven't seen her so happy in a really really really long time. All the stable hands here are great and way better than anywhere else we've stayed, and I think she really likes being around so many other pegasi! She's going to be so sad when we finally have to leave again.
Mood: happyhappy
15 May 2011 @ 11:48 am
[Filter: Private]

I should have known she wouldn't write back. It is nice to know that Lady Lauren has forgiven me and still wishes to be friends, but I cannot stop wishing that the same could be true for Lady Celeste. I would not be here if it were not for her, and I could never forget that. I won't push her, or I might make matters worse. Perhaps she will come to me when she is ready.

After all, I do have more important things I should be concerned about.

[Filter: Dagda]

I have a rather important question for you. Do you think that any of the guard would recognize you after all these years?
Mood: determineddetermined
15 May 2011 @ 11:54 am
[Filter: Private]

I shouldn't have said those things. Dragons, what was I even thinking? This isn't even about me. Have I really gotten so selfish?

Of course I'll help. I'll do whatever I can. I should apologize to Daisy, too ... I can't believe myself, sometimes. Stupid, stupid Demi. Always ... overthinking things and twistings things and -- ugh. Ugh.

I'm just not going to think about it. I'll just go to work, and keep myself busy, and next time Inara says I should go see Clarissa, I'll go. And we'll just see. There has to be things we can do to help. It's not like I have much of my own life, anyway.
Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
15 May 2011 @ 01:42 pm
So last night, my friends and I all stayed over at Lisa's house to celebrate my birthday. We haven't done that in a long time...it felt good, just like when we were still kids and did this on all our birthdays. I've missed just being able to hang out and laugh with everyone...life really changes when you grow up, doesn't it? I'm glad it does, don't get me wrong, but it's nice to be reminded of simpler times.
Mood: contentcontent
15 May 2011 @ 01:50 pm
Dragons... I should just give up this search. I'm not going to find anything. I haven't even found any normal tomes yet... let alone something nicer. I'm just wasting my time... not that there's really anything better that I could be doing...

I don't even know if I'd be able to use one if I did find it... even if I could afford it.
Mood: frustratedfrustrated
15 May 2011 @ 01:53 pm
So a cat followed my sister home last night, and it's still here. Well, he's still here, it's one of those big old tomcats. Who always looks like he's about to pounce and eat someone. And Tina wants to keep him if no one shows up looking for him.

Grandpa doesn't seem to care, but Mom insists the cat's got an owner who's looking for him. So they're all looking at me to take a side...I dunno, I've never been a cat person and this one kinda scares me. I don't wanna wake up to find it trying to eat me in the middle of the night!
15 May 2011 @ 03:11 pm
[Filter: Private]

I'm not being paranoid. I'm not crazy. Cameryn has to believe me, and even if he doesn't it is still a good idea. He can help convince Mother. I hope he decides soon. I do not know how much longer I can keep Eudora and Alastair from knowing what is going on. If they find out it will only complicate matters.
Mood: worriedworried
Ian (Agi)
15 May 2011 @ 03:29 pm
[Filter: Seraphine]

We, is there something bothering you? You've been looking bothered the past few days. I didn't want to say anything at first, but you've been so preoccupied, and it hasn't gone away ... it's not anything I can help with, is it?

Er, I mean, if you still don't want to talk about it ...
15 May 2011 @ 03:38 pm
[Filter: Lysander]

All right. I think the maps are the last thing we need. I hope you're ready to do this soon. We can't wait any longer. They might have figured out we're coming.
Linnell of House Veirnan
15 May 2011 @ 03:52 pm
[Filter: Stephanie]

Stephanie~? Is there something wrong? You've kind of been so distant!! I've been worried. Is something wrong? I know things at Aelvir were kind of weird, but I hope you're not still upset about all of that.

Do you want to talk? I want to help out if I can! Lissandra's been worried, too.
Faith, Paladin of House Franel
15 May 2011 @ 04:00 pm
Oy, Jack, what's this I heard Kail saying about cards? You better've been planning on inviting me, and I bet there's a few others of us that want to play. I've even got a few coins I could chip in, if we're betting.
15 May 2011 @ 04:17 pm
[Filter: Private, in Megam]

It's strange. The moons have always just been the moons to me. People have ascribed things to them, and I've gone through life ignoring these things for the most part. Light on a dark night. That's all they've ever been to me. Now I stare up at them as if they have some bearing on ... anything. Some bearing on anything. Are they tied to magic somehow? I've never had them influence my own spells, why should I ever give them a second glance?

Those thoughts now have to be abandoned. Eban and Rhaieen now have some meaning in my life beyond their role as giant spare candles. How would you even begin to use them, though? I know tomes. I can build magic in those terms, and I can be successful enough at it. I can't claim any special mastery of elements of magic beyond them.

If I could somehow harness it... It will be something to look into once we're finished.
Mood: curiouscurious
15 May 2011 @ 04:34 pm
[Filter: Private]

It's not a bad plan. It's not. It's just not going to be an easy one. He thinks Eina's soldiers are complacent, or willing to let people in. If they were so willing to do that, it would have been easier for me the first time around. They don't recognise me because they were never my friends in the first place. I became a knight, and then I met Gebann. I was pulled up into the tower where I knew no one, and I was so thankful to get away from my brothers that I stayed. And even when I did, no one bothered to get to know me. I did my duty, nothing more. I talked to Gebann, that was enough for me.

Guess that means they really won't recognise me, the old Dagda wouldn't talk to them.
Mood: moodymoody
Reeve of Atsiria
15 May 2011 @ 04:39 pm
[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

It's not even very long now.

I've looked everywhere. I've dug up every patch of dirt I can think of, asked every single source I have what they know, tried every single shadow I could find. And there's nothing. There's nothing on Matthew. For all that he has to have some secret, something -- something, I can't find it.

And I think I have to come to accept that I'm never going to be able to.

I don't know -- I don't want this. I want this less than anything. She deserves -- so much better than any of them can even begin to offer. Especially Matthew.

But I can't -- find anything. And she's happy. Despite all of it, she's happy.

I don't know what's left that I can do.
Lord Rylan of Allba
15 May 2011 @ 05:06 pm
[Filter: Private, in Korin]

She deserves all of this. She deserves every ounce of happiness that I can give her right now. She simply has to name it, and regardless of how impossible it might be, I will go out and retrieve it for her. If I could stop pregnancy from giving her any pain at all, I would sacrifice a thousand goats on a cursed altar for her.

Now that it has had time to sink in, I see how much has been leading up to this time in my life. It has been so long since I had that feeling of complete security I once felt. Years upon years I have wanted to go back to a place of peace. This was supposed to be it. I cheated to get here, and I got away with it. I cheated, and I am still getting what I wanted. There is something not quite right about that. It's actually the only thing I am worried about.

Dragons, forgive me if this is not already a sign of your forgiveness. I honestly do not deserve this as much as Cerise does. If you are giving us this child because of Cerise, then do not let my mistake be the one that messes this up for us.
Aiden [Illuse]
15 May 2011 @ 05:09 pm
[Filter: Private, in Kilian]

I don't know what else to do for him.

At least he's recovering. Even if it's slow. He ... relapses. Has his bad days. But most days, I can look into his eyes and see the man I recognize there. Even if he's ... not exactly the way he was when I met him.

Karyl's dead.

If anything, that should help him recover faster. There's nothing that ... nothing else should be so significant in helping him recover. Even if he did kill Ciaran. Even if he's ... Karyl is dead. And Karyl will never be coming back for him again.

I don't know what else to do.
Anita of Vernhail
15 May 2011 @ 05:15 pm
I can't believe I'm twenty!

Do you know, when I got this book, I was still only seventeen? I was such a little girl back then! I feel so much older now. I remember when I was much younger, I used to think of when I would turn eighteen and how I'd be so old then. And now I'm twenty, and I hardly feel so old at all!

Lord Nicolas, Lady Eliza, I wanted to thank you again for making my birthday so wonderful. It meant the world to me, truly.

I simply can hardly believe it. It seems like the time has absolutely flown by.
Lady Therese of Temair
15 May 2011 @ 05:29 pm
[Filter: Private]

And Caroline gets to have a happy ending. Or she gets to hope for one.

While the rest of us live with playing the cards we're dealt. Caroline is a Dentorian lady, not an heir, not her mother's favorite nor her father's scion. Caroline is just a Dentorian lady like any other, born and bred to be wed off to whatever man offers the highest bid for her dowry.

Some of us don't have the option to wait for our true loves to find us. Some of us don't get to play out our personal fairy tales. Some of us don't have family that's sympathetic to what we wish our lives could be like. We don't get to wait for our fantasies to come into being. We wed and we do what our husbands bid us and we die, all the time completely powerless.

How lucky for Caroline, that she's been granted that modicum of control over her own life.
Acantha (sometimes Talli)
15 May 2011 @ 05:31 pm

I've been trying to set aside time for my jewelry, even though Miss Vaelencia told me I should put it on hold while we're working. She's not discouraging me from using the workshop for it, but the amount of work we're doing has cut into the time available for me to do it. I'm not sleeping as much as I used to. The pane we're doing for our newest patron needs to be done faster than we did our Goddess frames, and our days have been consumed with working on it. Miss Vaelencia only has a social life because her suitor comes into our workshop every other day, and I don't have one at all.

I could have been using the time I've been writing this to be making jewelry, but ... I needed to write.
15 May 2011 @ 06:01 pm
Fuck, one of the newer dragon knights saw me walking down the street and decided it would be fun to fly his dragon by five feet over my head. I'm torn between wanting to give him a medal for good flying, or trying to show him up. It might not be a good idea, Senna's put on a few pounds. I'm pretty sure I'm still not allowed to get away with murder, accidental or not.
Mood: impressedimpressed
15 May 2011 @ 06:09 pm
Joshua saw it was raining and he went and ran outside before I could do anything to stop him and now he's all gross and muddy and wet! What he don't know is he isn't gonna come back in the house til he gets a bath! I don't think he's gonna like that but it's too bad for him~
Mood: amusedamused
Father Forbes of Megam
15 May 2011 @ 06:27 pm
[Filter: Private]

This is ... worrying. Ordinarily, I wouldn't think anything of it, but that's the third cancellation. Elliot was right, you'll never find a lack of people wanting to be taught in Lucre. It's not this difficult to find a willing pupil. I have an excellent reputation not simply in the church, but locally. I should be getting requests, not letters of apologetic decline.

There is something to this, and it's more than just people being busy after the Moon Festival. It's been forever since I've had an opportunity to give a good sermon, and so far every temple I've asked has given me the run around. I used to at least get a date I would be preaching on. Now I'm not even given an opportunity?

I don't want to talk about it on the journals, because I know very well what this sounds like. I just ... I don't believe it. I can't believe it at all.
Mood: nervousnervous
15 May 2011 @ 06:34 pm

Mother ended up having three new suits made for me. She says they should last me a long time. I had to spend all day at the tailor's as they did all the finishing touches and made sure everything was just right. They took forever and I hated every minute of it. I lost count of how many times he poked me with the needle as he was working.

I hope I don't have to do that again for a long time, like Mother said.
Mood: annoyedannoyed
15 May 2011 @ 06:47 pm
[Filter: Nessa]

We seem to have both made ourselves indispensable this time. Indispensable to people who seem to not be able to be in the same room as each other for very long, at the moment. It's always the same way, isn't it?

At least we're warm now.
Hazel of Aeda
15 May 2011 @ 06:59 pm
[Filter: Private]

Well, this isn't too hard. It is simply a steak wrapped in pastry. And crepes. And I will have to find foie gras somewhere. I'm sure it is in the pantry, I will have to get a maid to fetch it for me ...

I know how to make a steak. That is half the recipe, isn't it? I wonder what else I could serve with Beef Wellington? Perhaps some roasted vegetables? It is a little too hot for roasted vegetables ... Would it be all right to serve something cold?
Mood: workingworking
15 May 2011 @ 07:01 pm
[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

Well, I'm certainly not going to stand in her way if she wants to talk to Reeve. It's very difficult for me to keep my mouth shut on the subject of not bringing my name up, but... ah, well, she knows my situation. Probably as well as I do, honestly. And if I can't trust her about these things now, when can I trust her? I'm only being paranoid, she has no reason to bring up my name. No reason at all, if I'm being honest.

I hadn't really considered that Reiz marrying Aes might tweak Reeve's nose a little. Though it has rather unfortunate implications for my own thoughts. I'm not quite sure I want to start thinking about Reiz as a tool. I would like to keep my own motivations in line with Ethne's. I still would enjoy twisting this particular knife, but Reiz has never given me a reason to use him in an untoward fashion.
Lissandra of Veirnan
15 May 2011 @ 07:02 pm
[Filter: Linnell]

Stephanie has seemed a little ... subdued of late. Don't you agree? I wonder what has upset her, if she truly is upset, of course. Perhaps we should have Father ask her?
Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
15 May 2011 @ 07:19 pm
[Filter: Private]

The watch is getting a little less ... intrusive. In time we will get the chances we want... Maybe if I make myself seem more friendly to the guards, it might ease their minds. I can seem like just a healer. People don't keep a watch over healers unless they try to get close to the food supply... I wouldn't think, anyway.

After so much time, it would be good to be alone again. No eyes watching us. I wish it could come faster than it is, I really do.
15 May 2011 @ 07:30 pm
[Filter: Private]

I shouldn't feel so guilty following and spying on Brett like this. Why can't she just tell us what's going on? Everything would be so much easier if she wasn't being so secretive about everything. It would put my mind at ease at least. I'm not going to let her get hurt. If I need to step in, I'll be there, but if not she's never going to know. It's probably nothing for us to be worried about anyways.
Mood: worriedworried
Tarmon of Emeron
15 May 2011 @ 08:08 pm
I should not require an escort simply to go to the market! It is hardly as though I am venturing into the Dragonsdamned wilderness blindly. It is my city, and I know its streets. To have a personal guard beside me, monitoring my every movement, advising me on what I should or should not purchase -- do they think I am a child? I am their future Lord!

And to add insult to injury, there are all these beggars on the streets. I have never seen the streets of Emeron so rife with them. It's insulting. Would Father consent to see me to do anything but scold I would have them send every one of them packing from the city walls. It's disgraceful, and they ought not think they can ask me for any coin. It's insulting enough to have my father's guards supervising my purse.
Mood: crankycranky
Lorcan of Rhia
15 May 2011 @ 09:03 pm
[Filter: Private]

... Grandfather can't say that I didn't do my best. There are oddities, I grant you, but ...

The preparations are nearly done. I could go home, and put all this behind me. I would be well within my rights to do so. I miss my wife, and my sons, and ...

But I can't help myself, can I? I need to be absolutely sure. Haha, well. If I'm going to betray his confidence, this friendship he seems to value, well. I may as well do so now. If there is nothing, then I go home, and my birth works as well as any shield. If there is something, then ... then we go from there, I suppose.
Mood: blahblah
Elliot (Adrian)
15 May 2011 @ 09:09 pm
[Filter: Private, in High Megami]

And now, it seems, that I'm to be left out of all of their plans. It would not be nearly so frustrating if they seemed at all concerned about hiding the fact that they are up to something, but no. They plot and whisper together at all hours, leave together for these long stretches, and what am I to tell those who come calling? Apologies, madam, but the Prophet and her daughter have taken themselves to the city, for the fourth day running, and I've no idea what they are doing or when they'll return?

Yes, that's precisely what they expect. I've such a talent for mollifying people, after all, isn't that what she's so fond of saying?

I need to know what they are doing. For my own sanity, if nothing else.
Mood: annoyedannoyed
15 May 2011 @ 09:19 pm
[Filter: Private]


I don't even know what to do. Ella's not herself, Kim is gone, I don't know what Annie is even up to anymore, and I can't fix any of this. And all of it is kind of because of me. I mean, if I hadn't said anything to Kim, she wouldn't have blown up, and then none of this would have even happened.

I just --

[Filter: Ann

Ugh forget this. I'll think of something to fix this. I will. I have to.

Why is it all such a stupid mess?
Mood: tiredtired
Benedette of Emeron
15 May 2011 @ 09:24 pm
[Filter: Leon]

Dragons, I don't even know what to begin to think when it comes to this business with Lucas and Torrence. No one I've talked to quite seems to know just what happened, though there are plenty of rumours, each as unlikely as the next. But in the end I suppose it hardly matters. Actually, it might even be a blessing for us ...

I ...

We should talk about what were are going to do now. About what comes next. I can't bear not knowing any longer but when I see you in person before me, I can't do anything except ... well, nothing conducive to serious conversation, these days.

At least Fallyn agreed to help us. I still can't even imagine what might have happened if she had done otherwise, even if she is just the wife of one of the many minor lords here, with a dubious background at best.
15 May 2011 @ 09:39 pm
[Filter: Private]

Yeah ... this pretty much sucks. There are so many rumors going around. Most people are just dismissing it as if it were nothing, while others are freaking out at the thought of the walking dead. Hell, even if it weren't the walking dead and if there were some sort of army prancing around Korin, destroying everything in its path or whatever the hell it's doing ... yeah, that'd be fucking scary.

I mean, it's Rayla though, there aren't exactly a whole lot of people around here that would want to mess with this city.

Father is sending me letters left and right, demanding updates and more information on what Lady Eve is doing. I don't even know what I should and shouldn't tell him.

It's all fucking ridiculous.
Mood: blahblah
Keane of House Sylea
15 May 2011 @ 09:41 pm
Dragons motherfuck, even the men here are starting to mutter to each other about rumors bubbling up from Varise, and we don't usually give half a shit about what Varise wants to do. It's fucking fishy, is what it is, and the men agree on that. What the fuck is it gearing up for?

My guess is that it's all a bunch of bullshit. I mean, you hear the rumors coming out of the East, too, and Varise deciding to do something stupid is about as likely as the walking dead. Dragons fucking know, maybe those rebels of Sarrca's are doing all of it to get people good and scared. It wouldn't even surprise me.
15 May 2011 @ 09:55 pm
i missed working in the shop so much! it's so much fun seeing all the new flowers come up and watching them grow from little tiny sprouts to huge beautiful flowers~! it's so much fun working with all the flowers and getting to help people and make arrangements for them. i love seeing their reactions when they come to pick up what we've made for them and them saying it's so much prettier than the expected~!
Mood: cheerfulcheerful
15 May 2011 @ 09:58 pm
[Filter: Private]

Oh no ... now that mother has finally started speaking to me again it seems as if I've become the center of attention to her ... she won't leave me be about the entire ordeal with Cassandra. She has so much to say and so much to tell me to do about courting her, now.

I don't know how to deal with this ...

Perhaps I should make her angry with me, once again. If she isn't on speaking terms with me, maybe she'll leave me be and let me carry on the way I have been. It was much better that way.
Mood: annoyedannoyed
15 May 2011 @ 10:00 pm
Well, now, I see a very particular style of feathered cape seems to have become all the rage at court after all. Even despite the warming weather! I suppose it's likely to die off quite soon, but well, until then, I suppose I can see who the stars of this little show happen to be.

Not that I'm naming ny names, of course. I never would! But I do hope the ladies I'm referring to are very pleased with themselves. They certainly do deserve a bit of hard-earned pride, in my opinion. Especially since the fashion is about to, sadly, see its demise in the form of more summery clothing.
Mood: cheerfulcheerful
15 May 2011 @ 10:07 pm
[Filter: Private]

Curiosity...maybe that is part of the reason I'm still here, after all. I care for everyone here like they were my own family, of course, and I want to support Lord Lawrence's family any way I can. But...no matter how crazy it gets, I can't stop wondering how it'll all turn out. Will they ever find their home? Will they get that happy ending they deserve?

...what happens to us after this? Maeve...she was another reason I stayed, there's always that connection between us no matter what's happened or what will happen. But when this is over...then what?

...I'm getting ahead of myself, aren't I. The future's still so far away, isn't it? I should stay focused on now.
Mood: contemplativecontemplative
15 May 2011 @ 10:11 pm
[Filter: Aiden]

[Filter: Private]

Yeah. Writing to him all the time's just going to make it worse. If he wanted to come, he would. If I keep pushing for him to come he's only going to be more insistent that he needs to stay there.

He'll change his mind eventually. He has to.

[Filter: Amalea]

You up for a few drinks after we close up tonight, or do you have some plans with your little Lord~
Mood: lonelylonely
15 May 2011 @ 10:13 pm
[Filter: Private]

I don't know what to think of this place.

Worse than Aelvir, or better? At least we're not prisoners, here, but this isn't exactly the best place to be caught in a lie. There are people watching our every move, but, well, when aren't they? We have to disguise who we are, but that's probably for the better, all things considered. If they knew who we really were, they might treat us even worse than Aelvir. They might just toss us out and be done with us. They likely would do worse. Lady Ruseia doesn't seem the type to beat around the bush, and I doubt her father is any different.

How long, I wonder, are we likely to be here?

[Filter: Celeste]

I wasn't sure if you would want me asking about how things went right away, considering I'm sure it was very ... delicate. But I thought I would let you know, after all of that, that I'm here if you need someone to talk to ... and if you have something that you think I can help with. You never know, after all, how likely that is with what happens where we go.
Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
15 May 2011 @ 10:26 pm
[Filter: Private]

I don't even know what I would do.

She doesn't want me to try to save her. I don't want her carrying his child. I don't want her to give him another heir. I don't want her to have to do anything for him. I don't even want him to fuck her anymore. Even being locked in our rooms again is better than that. Anything is better than him getting her pregnant.

But I don't even know what I would even do.

I could try and run away. Just myself. But then he might kill me. I could do something to make Aiden think I was running away, but have some kind of alibi. But he might believe Aiden anyway. I could ... I don't know what else I could do. Maybe I just want to get out of here so badly that running away is all I can even think about.

If I could get us out of here without the guarantee that he'd kill us both without even blinking, I'd do it. But he'll kill us. He'll always know. Even if we try to plan something, he'll know. He knows everything.
Mood: distresseddistressed
Dillon of Rowan
15 May 2011 @ 10:36 pm
[Filter: Private]

I want to go home.

I can't even begrudge Glenn for being annoyed with the woman, but how long has it been since we've come here? How long is this courtship supposed to carry on when it's been practically a done deal from the moment we walked in the door? The woman's ridiculous, unreasonable, and petty, but that doesn't mean all of these gears have to grind to a halt.

I know I'm being selfish. I don't even care. I just want this to be over with so I can go home and have a few peaceful months before Mother or Father decide to rope me into one of these ridiculous courtships. If the woman I'm forced to marry is as absolutely absurd as Eriena is, I don't even know what I'll do.

But at least, I want to go home.
Mood: grumpygrumpy
Xander of Meirsu
15 May 2011 @ 10:49 pm
[Filter: Private]

My but it is tense around here. It's getting to the point where I might even want to sally forth into the great unknown. But I don't quite feel ready to do that, not yet.

But I imagine it will not be much longer.

[Filter: Aekaran]

Still alive out there?
15 May 2011 @ 10:50 pm
Ummm, Inara~

I wanted to ask how that friend of yours was doing. The one who came to dinner that night! Um, Clarissa, I think? I've been thinking about her a lot and I figured if anybody would know how she was, you would~

I, um, just wanted to know if she was doing okay, that's all~ Tell her I said hello, okay? I don't think I'm likely to see her since I doubt she comes around our part of town very much, but, well ~~

Can you just tell her I said hi? And tell me if I can help with anything. I think Lenore and I will be more than happy to help.
Mood: uncomfortableso awkward
Caitlin of Bresa
15 May 2011 @ 10:53 pm
[Filter: Debby]

Sweetheart, do you have a moment? There is something I would like to ask you about, if possible. I was wondering what you think of Miss Josephine and her lessons? Do you feel that they are helpful for you?

Please, darling, you can tell me the truth. Whatever it is that you feel, you can tell me.
15 May 2011 @ 10:56 pm
[Filter: Private]

There are still those moments when everything overwhelms me. I don't think I shall ever be rid of them. Someone will say something or something with happen and I just ... lose control, for a moment. I think the people here understand, or at least they are used to it.

Perhaps Jayden and I should go for a small flight. Seeing Rae write about it makes me realize how rarely it happens. Poor Egwene really does not get the proper amount of exercise here, though I do try to do my best for her.

Yes, that sounds like a lovely idea.
15 May 2011 @ 10:59 pm
[Filter: Franelcrew]


So like.

I know we're all soldiers here, right. Or pretending to be! Aye-aye sir and saluting and pretending Lauren and Rae are the most important people we've ever laid eyes on. And all of that! And you know the thing is, I think I've been doing a pretty good job of faking it!

But i don't think I can fake it around actual real Korin soldiers who know anything anymore! I mean, Korin, it's way more military than Hanalan, everyone knows that. It's way more military than anywhere. These people know what they're doing.

So I guess what I'm asking is, is there like, some kind of quick guide to being convincing as a soldier in Korin? "How to fake being a loyal retainer" books? A seminar? As long as Keagan isn't teaching it, I'll go to it.

It's just that I keep feeling like all of this is about to fall apart! And it's going to be all my fault! And I can't keep up with that anymore. And you know, I bet I'm not even the only one that feels that way, so there.

Though boy, if I am the only one, is this entry ever going to be embarrassing.
Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
Lian of Veirnan
15 May 2011 @ 11:01 pm
[Filter: Private]

I wonder if she really will go. I don't ... I didn't mean for it to get so mean. I wish I hadn't ... but I can't do anything now.

I just hope she does go ...